As the Internet’s slowly learning this week, apparently if you’re a dude, or even just know a dude, who works/worked in the hospitality industry, at one point you or your friend have been asked to stick your penis in John Travolta‘s butt in a completely friendly, just two heterosexual dudes hanging out way because he’s not gay. So it really is surprising that only five days into this thing we’re only up to three accusers. This time around we have Fabian Zanzi who claims John Travolta tried to pay him for gay sex while on a Royal Caribbean cruise. RadarOnline reports:
Zanzi told South American news website ABC.es that Travolta said, “He had something on his neck. I thought it was a fuzz. As I approached, he took off his white coat and was naked. He hugged me and asked me to do a massage.” Zanzi alleges that Travolta offered $12,000 to have sex with him, but he says he refused.
Jesus, how well do they pay people at Royal Caribbean to turn down 12 grand? I mean, awful, just awful. How dare you, John Travolta? (Email me.) In the meantime, FOX411 reports Kelly Preston has been secreted away to an undisclosed location lest she figures out why she always has to wear a fake mustache and tickle John’s anus every time they order Red Robin. (And if she’s reading right now, it’s because Xenu commands it! Question your galactic lordship no more, woman.)
According to an inside source, the actress has been instructed to be silent and stay away from the public eye until further notice.
“It’s a means of damage control and will protect her from any public scrutiny,” said the source.
All jokes aside, if there’s one thing the Scientology Slave Cruise taught us, it’s that Tom Cruise is super gay. It also taught us that Scientology’s solution for everything is to lock a woman up in a room which is really something they should be more upfront about when trying to win new converts. No, really, they’ve been going about all this wrong.
SCIENTOLOGIST: Hey, how’d you like to spend $200 letting a GameBoy with two nails sticking out of it tell you how many dead space ghosts are possessing your body?
AVERAGE JOE: No, thanks.
SCIENTOLOGIST: Did I mention we also preach conflict resolution via locking your wife in the garage?
AVERAGE JOE: Go on…
Photos: Getty
